The Twelve Disasters of Christmas
by SilverWolf7007
Summary: Hermione and the others aren’t sure why, but the leadup to Christmas in Gryffindor Tower seems to be fraught with nothing but chaos, mistakes, and of course, Harry trying to be helpful.
1. A Kneazle in a Palm Tree

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_Written by SilverWolf7007 and dedicated to Aniala, cos I planned to write her a fic for Christmas last year and never did it (not that she knew about that)._

_On the first day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**A Kneazle in a Palm Tree**_

Hermione thought that Harry was the most wonderful best friend that a girl could ask for. She would do anything for him, and she knew that he would do anything for her.

Unfortunately, that was part of the problem. Another part of the problem was that Harry was evidently nowhere near as intelligent as she had previously thought.

The main problem, however, was the large tree currently in the centre of the Gryffindor Common Room.

It was only the sixth year students, plus Ginny and Colin, who were staying over the Christmas break in Gryffindor. Nine of them were currently staring at the tree in a mix of confusion and dismay. Harry just looked inordinately pleased with himself.

"Uh…what's this thing doing in here?" Dean asked eventually.

"It's a Christmas Tree, of course!" Harry pointed out in a tone that implied that the answer was obvious.

Neville eyed Harry out of the corner of his eye. "Harry…"

Hermione sighed. "Harry, dearest, that is not the sort of tree I was intending for you to get us."

Harry's smile vanished. "What are you talking about, 'Mione? You said to me, 'Harry, please go out into Greenhouse One and get a tree for the Common Room'. So I did."

Lavender cleared her throat and ran her fingers through her hair, fighting back laughter. "Har, it's a palm tree. It's Christmas time. What sort of Christmas Tree is a palm tree?"

"A tree on a deserted tropical island at Christmas time when someone's stranded on it," Harry said quite logically. He was pouting.

"Guys…" Ginny started. Her voice was halfway between amused and horrified. They all looked at her, and she pointed to the top of the tree. "There's…"

"Coconuts?" Ron asked, confused.

Ginny shook her head mutely and continued to point.

Colin and Seamus were the first to realise what she was pointing at, and both fell to the ground laughing.

Parvati saw it next, and gasped. "Oh dear…"

Hermione looked up into the tree, and noticed that some of the coconuts appeared to be orange…and a lot furrier than she would have expected…and one of them was staring at her with huge, terrified yellow eyes.

"Hermione…" Harry began slowly. "Why is Crookshanks in my Christmas palm tree?"

"More importantly," Ron sighed. "How are we going to get him down without being scalped?"

* * *

_Fourteen days before Christmas (two days ago, that is), a half-baked last-minute plan was hatched in the bowels of…um…well actually, it was hatched in my bedroom, which isn't really the bowels of anything. But I decided to do a Twelve Days of Christmas thing, because I've never gotten around to writing a fic for a holiday before. This is probably a bad idea, but I'll do it even if it kills me._

_Which it might. _

_So yeah, expect an update a day. Not at any set time, though. Just when I get around to it. And yeah, they'll be short. Maybe even shorter than this one._

_Wish me luck._

_S. Wolf_


	2. Two Sulking Slyths

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the second day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Two Sulking Slyths**_

"There is a palm tree in the middle of your Common Room," a voice stated calmly.

Hermione heard a sigh, and then Harry's voice. "I know that, Theodore."

"It has tinsel and baubles and a star and everything," another voice added with a slightly awed tone.

"Yes Blaise, I'm aware of that. It's a Christmas palm tree. Like a Christmas tree from Hawaii. With coconuts."

"I was just about to point those out," Theodore said faintly. "They're very…festive."

"They're painted red and green," Hermione said flatly, taking the final steps down into the Common Room. "Harry, why are there Slytherins in our Common Room?"

As if Hermione had summoned them with her question (and considering the question's contents, she may have done) the other eight Gryffindors descended the stairs from their dorms.

When the boys came into view, Blaise's eyes widened. "Good lord, Weasley, were you mauled by a Nundu?"

Ron twitched. "I may as well have been, Zabini."

"Oh please," Hermione scoffed. "Crookshanks is hardly a Nundu, Ronald, and he was terrified!"

"Still don't see why _I_ had to be the one to get him down."

"Because we all ran away, and 'Mione deemed Harry incompetent," Ginny informed him. "If you had been sensible, you'd have run too."

"This is _not_ the issue here!" Neville said tensely. "Harry, what are Zabini and Nott doing in our Common Room?"

Harry spared a glance at the two Slytherins before he shrugged. "Sulking."

"Hey!" Blaise yelped. "I am not sulking! I'm brooding! Theo's the only one who's sulking."

"My mistake," Harry corrected, tone slightly mocking. "Theodore is sulking in the Common Room. Blaise is merely brooding, apparently, but I think he's in denial about his fit of the sulks."

Seamus groaned and buried his head in his hands. When he spoke, it was muffled. "Harry, for the love of God, Merlin and Gilderoy Lockhart -" He paused for a moment to allow Harry, Dean and the Slytherins to gag. "Why are the Slytherins in our Common Room and not their's?"

"Oh!" Harry's eyes lit up in comprehension. "Draco wouldn't tell them what he bought them for Christmas, they kept bugging him, and then he kicked them out. So they were sulking when I went down to the Great Hall, and you all know that I can't resist pathetic creatures in need of a home –"

"Harry!" Theodore groaned. "We're not pathetic creatures."

"Sorry, my bad. Pathetic _people_ in need of a home. So yeah, I figured they could crash in the Common Room. The couches _are_ quite comfortable."

Colin let out a sound that was suspiciously close to an 'eep'. "I'd rather they didn't."

"Tell you what, Creevey," Theodore offered. "I promise we won't rape you in your sleep."

"Oh wow, that makes me feel loads better," Colin told him, rolling his eyes.

Harry stared at Colin. "Hey, Colin can do sarcasm!" He wiped away a fake tear. "I'm so proud."

Blaise was frowning. "So are we allowed to stay, Granger? Seeing as you're the mature one, after all."

Hermione sighed. "Oh, very well. But Harry, if your Slytherins cause trouble, I'm sending them home."

"Yay!"

Theodore and Blaise exchanged a wary glance, wondering what the hell they were doing there.

* * *

_Yes, I missed updating only a day after starting the fic. No, it really couldn't be helped. If you must place blame, then it is the fault of a provoked purple antelope. Aniala is not allowed to antelope-bait. But don't worry, I'm on track for tomorrow's, and today's is seconds behind this one._

_Go on, read it now. But it'd be nice if you reviewed this one first._

_S. Wolf_


	3. Three Snake Heads

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the third day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Three Snake Heads**_

A scream echoed from the Common Room, and for a moment Hermione idly wondered if perhaps one of her fellow Gryffindors had gotten up early and was torturing their resident Slytherins.

Then she awoke fully, grabbed her wand and nearly tripped down the stairs in her haste to reach the source of the noise.

She soon found herself joining her housemates as witness to the strangest scene that Gryffindor Tower had seen in at least…well, two days. After a moment she reconsidered, and decided that it was, in fact, stranger than what had been dubbed (in the privacy of her own mind) The Palm Tree Incident.

Blaise Zabini and Theodore Nott, known to be fairly cool-headed and refined Slytherins, were standing on a table in the middle of the room, arms wrapped around each other in terror and screaming loudly.

Hermione joined her fellow Gryffindors in gaping at them.

Eventually, Harry somehow managed to regain his composure (and ability to speak) and stepped forward, wand in hand. "Blaise? Theo? What's wrong?"

Both boys immediately fell silent, staring at Harry with wide, hopeful eyes. "Harry, save us!"

Harry blinked. "What do you think I am, a saviour?"

At that, _everyone_ stared at him.

"What?"

Blaise shook his head violently and disengaged himself from Theodore as both attempted to appear unruffled. "Never mind. Harry, there's, um…something we need you to do."

Theodore rolled his eyes and smacked Blaise around the back of the head while running his other hand through his own hair, trying to smooth it. "There's a Runespoor on the floor. Fix it."

"The Runespoor is broken?" Harry questioned. Ron, standing beside him, followed Theodore's example of informing his friend that he was being a moron. Harry cleared his throat and scratched his head sheepishly. "Sorry, it's too early for me to be sensible. How can I be of assistance?"

Blaise pointed at the floor where the three-headed snake, barely two feet long, was peering from the boys on the table to the group of Gryffindors at the bottom of the stairs and back again.

Harry took a few more steps forward, pausing when the snake's right head swung in his direction and hissed menacingly.

"That's the poisonous one, Harry," Hermione murmured, a worried frown crossing her face.

He turned and rolled his eyes at her. "I _know_ that, 'Mione." Facing the snake again he began speaking. "Do you understand English, by any chance?"

Hermione seriously considered throwing her copy of Hogwarts; A History at his head.

Surprisingly, though, the right head nodded and hissed at him for several minutes. The left one joined in after a few seconds. Harry's eyes went very wide more than once, he paled a few times, and gave a nod or three. Finally, he turned away from the snake and addressed his friends, lips twitching despite his obvious effort to remain sober. "Okay. Ron, Hermione, Colin, Ginny, Seamus, Dean, Neville, Parvati, Lavender, Theodore and Blaise? This is Henry. His brother on the far left is Bob, and in the middle is their…sister, Desdemona, who prefers to be called Desmond."

Theodore, who had dropped to sit on the table and was now swinging his legs, gave a sigh. "That's all very nice, Harry, but what are they doing in your Common Room?"

"Specifically, what were they doing slithering up my leg?" Blaise clarified tensely.

Harry shifted from one foot to the other and glanced back at the snake heads before he continued. "Apparently, they lived in a palm tree in Greenhouse One that has mysteriously vanished. They tracked it to here, and they want to move back in. I offered to find them somewhere else till Christmas was over, but…"

Hermione sighed and walked further into the room, perching herself beside Theodore on the table. "Harry, a bright orange snake with three heads is really going to mess up the festiveness of your palm tree."

He shrugged. "What else can I do?"

She just looked down at the snake and waved her hand in the general direction of the tree. "Have at it then. Just don't bite anyone."

All three heads hissed in what looked to be (and Harry confirmed really was) agreement before the Runespoor slithered quickly up into the palm tree and settled on one of the green coconuts.

The students all just watched, until eventually the silence was broken by an irritated sounding hiss.

Harry frowned in the direction of the orange and black right head. "Henry, just because my friends are somewhat bemused by you and your siblings is no reason for you to deem them mentally deficient."

Hermione twitched and thought that it really was just as well that Harry was the only one who could understand Henry. Otherwise, the snarky right head of the Runespoor probably wouldn't live a very long life – not if he kept insulting people like that.

Henry was hissing in a way that couldn't be mistaken for anything but snide laughter.

* * *

_Here we are, right on schedule. Sort of. Anyway, I'm back on track now, and it wasn't the writing that tripped me up but the internet access – a problem that won't be after today. Tonight. Whatever._

_Am sleepy. Goodnight._

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	4. Four Missing Gifts

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the fourth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Four Missing Gifts**_

There was only an hour left until dinner, and Gryffindor Tower had so far remained almost unnaturally peaceful all day.

Currently, Ron, Seamus, Dean, Neville and Colin were sprawled on the floor in front of the fire. The five of them had been playing poker for coloured scraps of parchment since lunch, although sometime since then Dean and Neville had fallen asleep. The only sounds from their section of the Common Room were the placing of bets, the revealing of hands, the occasional triumphant exclamation or defeated groan, the cracking of the fire, and soft snoring.

Near the Christmas tree, Ginny and Lavender were perched on a couch, pointing at the wrapped gifts beneath the tree and guessing what could be in them. Above the gifts Desmond was placing her own guesses, while Henry shot down each and every assumption made. Bob appeared to be asleep. The two girls were also speculating as to the whereabouts of a few of Harry's gifts for people, and that of the boy in question himself.

Hermione and Blaise were reading on opposite ends of a couch closer to the fire, sometimes making comments on their respective texts and falling into short but involved conversations about them.

Nearby, Parvati and Theodore were playing chess with the Muggle chess set that Hermione had bought for Ron the year before. Both of them were terrible at the game, but were finding it amusing nonetheless.

Yes, it was a quiet, peaceful afternoon – at least it was up until the portrait flew open and Harry quite literally fell inside.

Nine pairs of eyes were immediately fixed upon him, and were joined by two more when Colin quickly shook Dean and Neville awake.

Harry, evidently feeling their gazes, looked up from the floor and gave them a weak grin. "Howdy."

They exchanged glances. Hermione sighed and turned back to him, intending to ask where he had been. She stopped suddenly when he stood up and she realised what he was wearing.

It was, without a doubt, a Santa suit. He was not sporting a beard, however, and his hat had fallen to the floor when he had, but it was definitely a Santa suit. And there was a large red sack on the ground in front of him, which he picked up once he was on his feet.

"Why Santa, you've changed," Theodore murmured, smirking.

Harry rolled his eyes and walked over to the tree, where he upended his sack. Four gifts fell onto the pile already there, wrapped in bright, shiny silver and red striped paper.

Ginny raised an eyebrow at him. "You needed the suit to be able to put presents under the tree?"

"Of course not, Gin, don't be silly." He walked back to the entrance to the Common Room and retrieved the Santa hat, which he then put back on his head. "I needed the suit to be able to get them back. It was a disguise."

"'Get them _back_'?" Hermione repeated. "From where?"

Harry shook his head. "Not where, 'Mione. Who."

"Well, then?" Dean asked with a yawn. "Who had them? And why?"

"And why the suit?" Blaise added. "Also, just so you know, Creevey's been taking photos since you came in."

Harry shrugged and flopped onto the nearest couch, planting his booted feet firmly on the low table in front of it. "I figured as much; Colin's _always_ taking photos."

They stared at him pointedly. Harry closed his eyes and didn't seem to notice. Theodore leaned over and smacked him across the back of the head. His eyes flew open and he gave the Slytherin boy a petulant glare. "What was that for?"

Hermione threw a scrunched up piece of parchment at him, and he shot her a teasing grin. "Whose gifts were they?" she asked him, wondering if the answer might give an indication as to who had stolen them – or at least prompt the rest of the explanation out of Harry.

"Mine." He received eleven glares and another slap to the head, which incited him to reconsider his answer. "Okay, okay. They were for Remus, Theodore, Luna and Hermione, but I don't think that they were the ones that the thief was after."

"Harry, who took the presents?" Lavender asked him. Her tone of voice was even, pleasant and gentle, which meant that she was seconds away from ensuring that there would be no continuation of the Potter line.

Sensing this, Harry gulped, took a deep breath and answered. "A giant fairy."

Lavender went for her wand. Harry yelped and raised his hands, attempting to placate her. "Wait, wait! See, I got back after lunch and noticed that they were gone, so I asked the Runespoor. Henry was absolutely no help, Bob had been asleep, and Desmond told me it was a giant fairy. Of course, this was absolutely no help to me until Bob mentioned that anyone using a potion to disguise themselves would appear, to a Runespoor, to be a fairy."

Blaise frowned. "So it was Draco? He does have an awfully large stock of disguising potions…"

Harry was shaking his head. "No, no. I never even considered Draco, actually. I immediately suspected our resident Potions Master."

Ron gaped at him. "Harry, why the hell would Snape be stealing presents from the Gryffindor Common Room?"

Harry snickered…

* * *

_Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has just failed utterly in his mission. After all that effort, after tricking the Gryffindor password out of the Headmaster, after brewing a disguising potion, after everything – he had failed._

_It was Potter's fault, he knew it. He didn't know how, but somehow the brat had caused him to grab the wrong gift. And – _

_Severus's thoughts came to an abrupt halt as the fireplace in his chambers turned green. He looked up from the parcel on the table in front of him and found himself facing…_

_Santa Claus?_

_The person who had just stepped from the Floo stepped forwards, grabbed the gift, placed it in the sack that was slung over his shoulder, turned on his heel and raced out the door._

_Severus stared after him in shock, and it wasn't until ten minutes had passed that he realised exactly who had just ran out into the dungeons.  
_

"_POTTER!"_

* * *

"Wait, wait," Theodore interrupted. "Snape only had one gift?"

Harry nodded. "He had 'Mione's, but I think he wants to know what I bought Remus."

After digesting this (or repressing it, in a few cases) Neville brought everyone back to the main question. "So what about the others?"

"And why did Desmond only see Snape?" Ginny added.

"Well…"

* * *

_Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress and Transfiguration Professor, stared down at the gift in front of her in shock. Somehow, she had grabbed the wrong one. She had intended to retrieve the gift that Harry had wrapped for the Headmaster, and instead ended up with the present addressed to Theodore Nott._

_She sighed. Cat eyesight wasn't all that great for reading things like labels on gifts._

_The door to her chambers opened suddenly, and she looked up to see what could have been a teenage Santa walk sedately into the room, pick up the gift from in front of her and leave while placing it into a red sack._

_Minerva blinked. Had that been…_

"_HARRY!"_

* * *

"So she took it as a cat, and Desmond didn't realise that she wasn't supposed to be there or anything?" Colin asked.

Harry nodded. "Yep. And the next gift stealer…"

* * *

_Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, etc. etc., had been at a complete loss as to what he should buy Severus Snape for Christmas, and as such had decided to steal the gift that Harry had bought for the man for inspiration._

_He had cast an invisibility charm upon himself, gone down to the Gryffindor Common Room, admired their Christmas tree, and stole what he had thought to be Severus's gift. Instead, he had picked up Luna Lovegood's._

_Sitting in his office, he sucked on a sherbet lemon dejectedly and wondered how he was going to sneak the gift back into Gryffindor._

_It ceased to be an issue moments later, when a red blur darted into his room, grabbed the gift and darted back out._

_Albus stared after the blur and began assembling what he had seen in his mind._

"_HARRY JAMES POTTER!"_

* * *

The Gryffindors and Slytherins were snickering by now, partially in shock but mostly in amusement. Harry grinned at them as he launched into the tale of who had taken the gift for Remus.

* * *

_Luna Lovegood had skipped lunch, walked up to Gryffindor Tower and then straight up to the sixth year boys' dorms. She dug Harry's Invisibility Cloak out of his trunk, put it on, retreated back to the Common Room, stole the first gift she came to from under the tree, and headed back to Ravenclaw Tower to wait._

_Eventually, about an hour after lunch, the entrance to the Ravenclaw Common Room opened and Harry Potter stepped through, wearing a Santa costume sans beard and belly and carrying a red sack._

"_Hello Santa-Harry."_

_He raised an eyebrow at her. "Hey Luna. I have a question."_

"_Then you'd best ask it, lest it take over your mind and convince you that you are a leper."_

"_Good point, that. Okay. I get why the professors were stealing gifts – they're all unimaginative. But why you?"_

_She smiled at him, partly serene, partly devious. "I just wanted to see you in that costume, Harry dear." _

_Harry shrugged and took the gift she handed him, checking the label to make sure it was the right one. "Fair enough. See you later."  
_

"_Goodbye, Harry. Make sure to let Colin take plenty of photographs."_

* * *

The others were still laughing, but Hermione was giving Harry a speculative look. He raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You haven't explained why you're wearing a Santa suit, and don't say it was just for a disguise."

Harry hung his head. "All right, to be honest I've decided to wear it for the rest of the holidays. It feels festive."

Hermione just groaned while the others continued to laugh and Harry began refuting Henry's apparent claims that the suit was tacky, cliché and looked completely ridiculous.

* * *

_Again, it's a little after midnight and technically a day late. But hey, it's about three times longer than intended, so…_

_Meh. Will do better tomorrow. I'm not sure I even like this chapter. Tomorrow I'll start earlier._

_S. Wolf_


	5. Five Kidnappees

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the fifth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Five Kidnappees**_

True to his word, Harry was again wearing his Santa suit when he left the Gryffindor Common Room for the Great Hall the next morning at breakfast time. He was still wearing it when he vanished not long after the meal.

And he was definitely still wearing it when he returned not long before lunch with four reluctant-looking students in tow (literally). Luna was drifting along behind them and looking as though she'd ended up there completely accidentally.

Hermione eyed the purple and silver tinsel that was wrapped around the waists of the three Hufflepuffs and one Slytherin. "Harry?"

Harry, tugging the four of them along with him, moved further into the Common Room. Luna followed him, playing with her own strand of purple and silver tinsel. She had it wrapped around her neck like a scarf.

Theodore raised an eyebrow at his lassoed housemate. "Draco, you appear to have been kidnapped by Santa Potter."

Draco rolled his eyes and squirmed a little, trying to extricate his arms from the tinsel. "Thank you for pointing out the blindingly obvious, Theodore. I simply could not have progressed further in my life without that exceedingly trivial and blatant fact being stated."

Neville waved to the other three of Harry's captives. "Hi Justin, Hannah, Susan." He turned to Harry. "You know, it's a good thing that we have so many comfortable couches in our Common Room. Otherwise where would you put all your strays?"

"We're not _strays_," Susan protested. "We were taken against our will. There are perfectly comfortable beds back in the Hufflepuff dorms, you know."

Harry, still holding them hostage, turned to pout at her. "But there are only three of you, and since Blaise and Theo are up here, both Draco and Luna are all alone in Ravenclaw and Slytherin. The seventeen of us are the only students left at Hogwarts, and I kinda thought it would be nice if we all spent the rest of the holidays together."

Susan and Hannah both smiled at him, warmed by the sentiment.

Justin snorted, but was trying to hide his own smile. "Oh fine, you win. We'll stay here. But we'll need to get our stuff, and our gifts, from Hufflepuff. You guys have a tree, right?" he added, glancing around. His eyes stopped on the palm tree. He blinked.

"Harry," Ron explained.

"Ah." Susan frowned. "Can we be un-lassoed now?"

Parvati and Lavender moved forward to untie them, while Harry just fiddled with the ends of the tinsel that he held.

"I will stay if I can have more tinsel," Luna said suddenly. "And perhaps some glitter. I would like some glitter. I find it fun to sprinkle upon other people. Although, I do find it dreadfully confusing that they don't seem to enjoy it as much as I do."

Harry beamed at her. "Of course! Tinsel and glitter coming right up!" He turned hopefully to Draco. "What about you, Dray?"

The blond twitched. "Never call me that again, untie me immediately, and give me a bed. Then we have a deal."

Using the tinsel he held, Harry pulled the Slytherin closer to him in order to begin untying it. "You can have mine, I'm quite happy to sleep down here. But I can't guarantee anything about the first condition, Dray."

Draco groaned. "I give in, I give up, I just plain give. Very well, Harry, you may call me Dray. But if anyone else tries it…" he added, narrowing his eyes in warning.

Ginny smiled innocently. "Wouldn't dream of it, Dray."

The Slytherin growled.

"We'd never do such a thing, would we, guys?" Seamus prompted his fellow Gryffindors with wide eyes. They nodded half-heartedly. Seamus smirked at Draco. "See Dray, you're perfectly safe."

"I hate Gryffindors."

Harry just laughed at him and conjured a Santa hat onto the blond's head. "We know."

Luna draped a strand of green tinsel around Draco's neck.

* * *

_Started a little earlier, finished much earlier, and it's gone back to being short. I like tinsel. I think it would be fun to lasso people with it._

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	6. Six Dragons Hatching

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the sixth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Six Dragons Hatching**_

When Hermione was shaken awake by Hannah, she thought nothing of it until she caught the worried look on the other girl's face. A sense of foreboding filled her. "Hannah?" she asked, stifling a yawn. "What's wrong?"

"Well, I don't want to alarm you," the blonde began, twirling the end of her plait between her fingers nervously. "But Harry appears to be up to something shady involving the fireplace, and the Common Room is sweltering."

Hermione, recalling the first time she found herself in an incredibly hot room, panicked.

She raced down into the Common Room, Hannah on her heels; desperately hoping that Harry had more sense than to –

Hermione stopped short and Hannah ran into her back, causing her to stumble forward a few more paces. She barely noticed. Her attention was glued to where her best friend was crouched by the fire.

The boys sleeping in the dorms, as well as Parvati and Lavender, were all still upstairs, but Theodore, Blaise, Ginny, Justin and Susan were all fixated on Harry. Luna was dancing around the other side of the Common Room in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, twirling tinsel, humming Jingle Bells and ignoring everyone else.

Theodore looked up as Hermione took another few steps towards the fire. "Oh thank Salazar!" he exclaimed. "Granger, Harry has gone insane."

"It's like he's channelling Hagrid," Susan moaned, not taking her eyes from the Gryffindor boy. "Only worse, somehow."

Hermione took a deep breath, winced at how warm the air in Gryffindor Tower was, squared her shoulders and strode the last few metres to stand directly behind Harry. She then momentarily considered forsaking her Gryffindor bravery and running away screaming hysterically.

Thankfully for everyone else, Hermione managed to keep hold of her courage and cleared her throat.

Harry jumped and whirled around, almost overbalancing and landing in the fire. "Hermione! I swear this isn't what it looks like!"

"Really?" she asked caustically. "Because it looks an awful lot like you're trying to hatch dragons in the Gryffindor Common Room."

"It does?" he asked, striving for innocence. "I wonder how you could make that mistake."

"Do you now? I think it might have something to do with the _six dragon eggs _in the_ fireplace_!"

Harry winced. "Oh, you saw those?"

"Saw them? How could I _miss_ them? Harry -" She stopped abruptly as she noticed that the brown, green-flecked egg was beginning to crack. "You're insane," she murmured.

"I'm not going to keep them!" he protested. "I'm doing a favour for a friend!"

She frowned in disapproval. "You should know better than that, don't you remember the last time that Hagrid tried to raise a dragon?"

"Oh, it's not Hagrid," he reassured her. "It's Charlie."

Hermione blinked. "Charlie Weasley asked you to hatch dragon eggs in the Gryffindor Common Room?"

Harry shrugged. "Pretty much. He wanted someone to take care of them for a few hours while he visits with Hagrid – because no one in their right mind could take dragon eggs down to Hagrid's hut and expect to leave with them. So I volunteered."

Ginny cleared her throat to catch their attention. "What's my brother doing at Hogwarts with six dragon eggs?"

"Well, he was collecting them from somewhere and taking them back to Romania with him, and since he was here he wanted to stop off and visit Hagrid, and then you and Ron."

Hermione winced as she realised that the black Norwegian Ridgeback egg was beginning to crack as well. "That's very kind of him, but didn't he think it was, oh, _dangerous_ to leave a bunch of dragon eggs to hatch in the care of, well, you?"

Harry shrugged again. "You'd think so, wouldn't you? I don't think he was expecting any of them to hatch, though."

Ginny's reply to that was cut off as the portrait swung open and Charlie stepped inside, grinning brightly.

"Hey Charlie," Harry called across the room.

Charlie gave him a wave, dodged Luna's flailing tinsel strands and crossed the Common Room to join them by the fire. "Hey. Let me guess, Ron's still in bed?"

"Yes," Hermione replied. "And you're not going to get to see him, either."

The red-haired man frowned at her. "Why not, Hermione?"

It was Ginny who answered, and she did so in a tone that was incredibly similar to one her mother would have taken. "Because you are going to collect your dragon eggs and leave before they _hatch_, Charles Weasley!"

Paling, Charlie glanced down into the fireplace. "Oh. Oops."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Ya think?"

* * *

_Oops. I'm a chapter behind. I got kinda sidetracked and busy yesterday, which left me no time to write. This chapter? Just finished it a minute ago. And now I'm going to sit here and write the next one, and hope I get it finished before midnight._

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	7. Seven Screaming Howlers

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the seventh day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Seven Screaming Howlers**_

Another fairly peaceful day had begun, and with an hour to go until lunch Hermione was hopeful that it would last – at least until the meal was over.

She knew that she was probably being overly optimistic – and she was right, of course.

For whatever reason, everyone in Gryffindor Tower was reading. _Everyone_. Even Ronald Weasley. Hermione had managed to recover from her shock at that when she realised that Dean and Ron were poring over a Quidditch magazine, but still, they were reading. As such, the room was silent but for the sound of turning pages.

It was incredibly peaceful. Hermione wished that she could relax fully, but the absence of Harry always negated that possibility.

Hermione immediately looked up when the portrait opened, and she watched as Harry stepped inside. His Santa hat seemed in danger of falling off, but he caught it quickly. Surprisingly he gave a small wave and smile to everyone before heading up to the dorm. He reappeared moments later with a novel that Remus had bought him a few weeks ago, sat on the floor by the fire and silently began to read.

Sighing in relief, Hermione went back to her own book.

The peace in the Common Room managed to last another ten minutes until it was broken by an owl tapping on a window. Neville let the bird in, but immediately regretted it when he realised it was carrying not one but _seven_ red envelopes.

Everyone watched in horror as the owl delivered the Howlers to Draco, Ron, Lavender, Colin, Susan, Justin and Luna. The brown-feathered bird gave a satisfied hoot and swooped out the window again. Neville automatically closed the window to keep the cold out.

Colin, deciding to prove his Gryffindor-ness, opened his envelope. He and everyone else immediately covered their ears, knowing they'd hear the words no matter how much they tried to muffle them.

"_COLIN WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS CREEVY!"_

They all blinked at the high-pitched feminine tone.

"_I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO GO ON ANY LONGER! I DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE STALKING ME IMMEDIATELY OR I'LL BE FORCED TO PRESS CHARGES, OR AT LEAST TELL THE PROFESSORS!"_

The envelope exploded, and sixteen pairs of curious eyes fell on Colin Creevey.

"I didn't stalk anyone!" he yelped. "Honest, the closest I've ever come to stalking someone is, well, taking all those pictures of Harry."

They all looked to the boy in the Santa suit, but Harry shrugged innocently and fiddled with a strand of tinsel that he seemed to have stolen from Luna. He nodded in the direction of Susan's Howler, which was beginning to smoke. "I'd open that, if I were you."

Susan did so. Seconds later, Justin followed suit. This was regarded as a _very_ bad idea by everyone else moments later.

"_SUSAN AMELIA –"_

"_JUSTIN TIMO –"_

"_BONES! HOW DARE YOU –"_

"_THY FINCH-FLETCHLEY! I DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE TO –"_

Both Howlers seemed to be from the same person, and it was the voice of a young boy. Surprisingly, both letters continued on and matched one another word for word.

"_DISRESPECT TINSEL! TINSEL IS A NECESSARY ITEM, ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIME OF YEAR! I WON'T HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU AGAINST IT AND THAT'S THAT!"_

Everyone stared as the two envelopes burnt themselves to ashes.

"What the hell?" Susan managed finally.

"Good question," Justin muttered. "Who on earth…?"

"Lavender," Harry said quietly. He gestured to her Howler. She sighed, nodded and opened it.

"_WHOEVER RECEIVES THIS HOWLER," _a haughty sounding woman began. _"BE AWARE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT FOR A REASON. YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE, SHOULD BE AWARE THAT YOUR NAME SMELLS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME."_

"That was…"

"Incredibly random," Parvati finished for her best friend. Lavender smiled at her.

Ron, noticing that his own envelope was beginning to smoke, needed no prompting from Harry to open it. The person who began shouting at him was a distraught-sounding young woman.

"_RONALD WEASLEY, EVERYONE IN YOUR PRESENCE IS ENTITLED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A JERK! A TOTAL, COMPLETE, UNFEELING JERK! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BABY! THIS IS YOUR CHILD! HOW CAN YOU JUST ABANDON IT? ARSEHOLE."_

All eyes turned to Ron, who was bright red. "I've never…I mean, even if…I wouldn't! And I'm not, I mean, gah!"

Colin patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "I know how you feel. Malfoy, your letter is smoking."

The Slytherin jumped in surprise but quickly opened his Howler. The voice, surprisingly, belonged to Remus Lupin.

"_DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR! HONESTLY, YOUNG MAN, JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DO THIS TO MY POOR GODSON? HARRY WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH ALL OF HIS FRIENDS, INCLUDING YOU, AND YOU DARE TO KICK HIM OUT OF HIS OWN BED? THIS SIMPLY CANNOT GO ON. I DEMAND THAT YOU ALLOW HARRY TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN BED IMMEDIATELY, AND GRACEFULLY ACCEPT THE COUCH IN THE COMMON ROOM WHERE POOR HARRY HAS BEEN FORCED TO SLEEP!"_

Draco blinked. "You told Lupin that I kicked you out of your bed?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. No idea how he found out. And don't worry about it; I'm happy on the couch – though I'm not sure how you can stand Ron's snoring."

The other boy snorted. "After five and a half years of Crabbe and Goyle? It's like heaven. Lovegood, are you _waiting_ for that to explode?"

Luna glanced at her Howler in surprise. "I was considering it, yes, but as you are undoubtedly about to ask so kindly, I think I will open it."

"Er, good?"

"_LUNA,"_ Harry's voice began. _"YOU HAVE A STRANGE FETISH FOR GLITTER, TINSEL AND OTHER SHINY OR SPARKLY OBJECTS. THAT IS ALL."_

Her Howler, naturally, did not burst into flames but exploded quite dramatically and covered everyone in red glitter.

"Ooh, pretty!" Luna exclaimed, inspecting herself.

Hermione slowly turned and gave Harry a Look. Harry attempted to smile innocently, but Hermione knew him too well. He winced.

Theodore noticed this exchange. "So, we have Harry to thank for any permanent hearing damage, then?"

Harry gave a guilty grin. "Yeah…except for Draco's. That one really was from Remus, but only because he walked in on me when I was trying to replicate his voice for it."

Everyone exchanged glances.

Blaise turned to Harry. "Har?"

"Yeah?"

"Run."

Harry did so.

* * *

_I think we all knew I was never gonna keep up with once a day updating. I'm sorry. But I'm still gonna try to finish this by Christmas. Am going back to writing now. And I'll do review replies eventually too._

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	8. Eight Quiet Minutes

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the eighth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Eight Quiet Minutes**_

It was as though everyone was trying to make up for the false hope that had been given the day before – the day had begun noisily and hadn't let up since. Hermione was getting incredibly tired of it. Even the temporary false peace from the day before would be preferable to the chaos gripping the Tower now.

She, and everyone else, had been woken up at seven by loud screaming. For some reason, one of the Runespoor heads (Harry said it had been Bob) had decided that their palm tree wasn't warm enough for so early in the morning, and had led the others to the closest warm human – Hannah. Unfortunately, Hannah was deathly afraid of snakes and was barely managing to tolerate having the damn thing in the same room she was sleeping in.

Hermione probably could have tolerated the wakeup call, but everything seemed to snowball from there – at one point, literally.

And now, dinner was over and everyone was in the Common Room again. Ron and Draco were involved in a heated game of chess, and both chesspieces and players were shouting at one another. At one point Susan had joined in the yelling, as she was tired of being hit by debris from the violent smashing of pieces.

Dean, Seamus, Theodore and Blaise were making use of the still-frozen snow that Neville had conjured sometime before lunch and alternating between miniature snowmen and snowball fights. Colin, who was playing Exploding Snap with Neville and Hannah nearby, occasionally had to defend himself from an errant snowball.

Lavender, Parvati and Ginny were sitting near Susan, and all four girls were exchanging gossip, discussing the occasional homework assignment, and painting their fingernails. Luna was sitting nearby, painting her own nails and telling Justin her theory on evolution. Justin was listening in amused awe and asking questions, which delighted Luna.

Surprisingly Harry was the only person aside from Hermione who was striving to stay silent. She suspected that he was actually doing homework of some kind, as he had several books spread on and around the couch he had claimed as his own and was taking notes in a spiral notebook with one quill (a real one) while he sucked on a sugar quill at the same time.

Hermione herself was attempting to read an Advanced Transfiguration book that she had found in the library the day before. It was fascinating, but the unrelenting noise all day, and especially now, was managing to completely ruin her concentration.

She was almost ready to snap, or at least give up and read in her dorm. She was _trying_ to be sociable, but when sociable meant putting up with _this…_

Hermione never had the chance to snap, though, or to leave. Harry beat her to it.

He stood up, dislodging several books. One fell on his foot and after hopping rather comically for a few moments he calmed down, drew his wand and pointed it in the general direction of the middle of the group. "Silencio."

Everything seemed to stop, except for the snowball fight, but the sudden silence startled Blaise enough that he didn't bother retaliating to the handful of snow that Seamus had just thrown into the back of his head.

All eyes looked up and around for the culprit, and landed on Harry.

Harry just smirked at them all and sat down. "Thank you. Now continue to be quiet. I'm working here, and 'Mione's trying to read."

Hermione beamed at Harry. "Thank you, Harry."

He grinned back. "Welcome."

She went back to her book, and he went back to taking notes. Ron and Draco managed to continue their chess game by giving complicated hand gestures to their Silenced chesspieces. Everyone else was still too stunned to so much as attempt to speak.

Unfortunately, the peace only lasted eight minutes before Ron regained his voice – right when Draco's knight smashed his queen.

Hermione gave up and went upstairs.

* * *

_That didn't take too long…_

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	9. Nine Evil Snowmen

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the ninth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Nine Evil Snowmen**_

Hermione should have known that letting the conjured snow stay in the Common Room was a bad idea. She should also have known that letting Theodore, Blaise, Seamus and Dean turn it into snowmen the day before was an even worse idea.

She knew that somehow, that was what had given Harry the idea.

Looking back on the personal disaster that was the previous day, Hermione wished that she had taken the time to find out what Harry had been researching.

Of course, none of these thoughts were helping her current situation.

Hermione imagined that Harry's original idea had been to conjure some large snowmen, make them resistant to melting, and animate them. He had probably thought that it would be amusing and relatively festive.

He would have been right, if the snowmen hadn't become _evil_.

Now, of course, the nine giant snowmen were chasing the seventeen students around the Gryffindor Common Room, throwing rather hard snowballs and, Hermione was certain, trying to kill them.

They were all attempting to shoot spells at the snowmen, but their melting spells wouldn't work and somehow the enemy had become resistant to magic. In between shooting spells, most of them were yelling at Harry. Harry was attempting to protest his innocence, but having been cornered, alone, by two snowmen, he was somewhat distracted.

Across the room, Ron, Neville, Seamus and Dean were being chased by two snowmen, while Draco, Theodore and Blaise were fighting off another one. Colin and Justin were managing to keep a single snowman from cornering them.

Hermione was with the other girls, and they were being herded around by the final three snowmen. Lavender and Hannah were alternating between screaming curses and just plain screaming, while Susan and Parvati screamed at Harry between their own spells. Hermione wasn't bothering to swear at her best friend, she just planned to hex him later.

It was Luna who had the first success at affecting one of the snowmen with magic, but Hermione almost wished that she hadn't.

"Accio!"

The snowman, surprisingly, immediately began flying towards Luna and Hermione. Hermione shrieked and ducked one way, Luna dove in the other direction. The snowman hit the wall and exploded, burying them in snow.

Lavender and Susan were the first to copy Luna's actions, and quickly moved out of the way of a second small-scale avalanche. Hermione lifted her wand, shaking snow from her eyes, and followed suit.

Colin quickly caught on to their idea. He and Justin were soon coated in snow.

The Slytherin and Gryffindor boys finished off their own snowmen, and finally there were only two left. Harry, being practically huddled in a corner under a barrage of snowballs, was completely unable to get out of the way if he Summoned them himself.

Blaise and Neville took pity on him, Summoning the snowmen away from their friend and getting a fresh coating of snow for their efforts.

Harry stood up shakily, dusting snow from his hair. "Um, oops? That wasn't quite what I'd intended them to do…"

"I should hope not!" Ginny snapped. "Harry…never try to animate anything ever again. Please. For all our sakes."

"I swear on my sexy Santa suit that I will never try to animate anything ever again, unless I'm animating it to distract or annoy Voldemort. Or his Death Munchers. Good enough?"

"It'll do," Ginny grumbled. "Now, for your punishment…"

Draco raised his hand and practically bounced on his toes in excitement. "Can I do it? Please? Please?"

Hermione frowned at him. "Depends what you're planning. I was considering turning him into a giant hamster."

Harry cringed.

"Perhaps not," Draco murmured, looking amused. "I thought perhaps Harry could be our animated snowman for the afternoon? After all, we have all this unmelting snow…"

Hermione smirked. "You know what, Malfoy? I think you just might be on to something."

* * *

_Heh. _

_That is all I have to say. There are thirteen minutes to five in the morning. Happy Christmas Eve. I think I need to sleep now._

_(Edited, finally, on the 29th of April to fix the mismanaged number of snowmen. There were eleven. Now there are nine. Thanks for everyone who pointed that out...)_

_Please review._

_S. Wolf_


	10. Ten 'Dying' Wishes

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the tenth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Ten 'Dying' Wishes**_

When Hermione arrived in the Common Room the next morning, it was to a rather confusing sight. She was, as usual, the first one to come downstairs, but everyone who slept in the Common Room was awake.

Justin, Theodore and Blaise were sitting, seemingly, as far away from the fire as they could get. They were playing poker and darting frequent glances at the fire. Luna was more difficult to locate, as she was lying flat on her stomach on the floor in the middle of the room, a blanket thrown over her back, watching the rug in front of her intently.

It took Hermione a few moments to recognise the pile of blankets on the couch closest to the fire as Harry.

She blinked. "What on earth is going on in here?"

"Theodore sucks at poker," Blaise and Justin called in unison.

Luna didn't look up as she answered. "I believe that this rug is developing a dangerously evil colony of dust bunnies."

"I'm dying," Harry croaked.

Hermione sighed and went over to him, sitting beside the heap of blankets. "Dying, Har?"

"Yes," he sniffed. "You an' Draco packed me in all that snow yesterday, an' now I'm sick."

"A cold is hardly dying, Harry," she sighed. "I'll take you to Madame Pomfrey for a Pepper-Up Potion after breakfast."

Harry pulled one of his blankets down just far enough for him to peer out miserably at her. "But 'Mione," he whined. "I don't _like_ them."

"Harry…"

"Before I die, 'Mione, can you do something for me?"

She sighed again. "Harry, you're not dying."

"Will you buy me some leather pants? I want to go out in style," he continued, ignoring her.

"No, Harry, because you aren't dying. Besides, you could just borrow some from Theodore."

Harry pouted.

* * *

A few minutes later, a large blanket-monster stood up and walked across the Common Room to where Theodore, Blaise and Justin were avoiding its germs. "Blaise, can I talk to you?" it asked pleadingly.

Blaise sighed and turned to face the barely visible green eyes of his friend. "What is it, Harry?"

"When I die, will you sing at my funeral?"

The other three boys stared.

"Please?"

"You're not dying, Harry!" Justin exclaimed. "Honestly!"

"Blaise?"

Blaise shook his head slowly. "Justin has a point, you know. A cold isn't going to kill you, especially if you just let Hermione take you up to Pomfrey like she wants to."

"But Blaise…"

"Besides, you _know_ I can't sing."

* * *

Hannah, Ginny and Susan were the first of the girls to get up that morning, and Hermione quickly filled them in regarding Harry's cold. The four of them remained seated by the fire in relative piece until Harry stopped sulking over Blaise's refusal to sing and rejoined them.

He sniffed.

Ginny eyed him. "Are you going to go to Pomfrey?"

"No."

"Harry," Hermione sighed for what felt like the billionth time that morning alone. "Please."

He ignored her. "Hannah, seeing as I'm going to be dying very soon, would you promise me something?"

Hannah decided to humour him. "Depends what it is, Har."

"Take car of Bob, Desmond and Henry for me."

She just glared.

* * *

Colin was the next one to wander down the stairs, and as he was _not_ a morning person, he walked right into wall of blankets standing directly in his path.

He blinked. "Um?"

"Hello Colin," Harry replied weakly. "I'm dying. Please take pictures of my corpse and send them to Voldemort."

Colin blinked again in confusion as the blanket heap shuffled away.

* * *

Harry peered down at Luna. "Got those dust bunnies under control yet?"

"Almost," she replied dreamily. "Is there something I can do for you, Harry?"

"Fill my coffin with tinsel."

"Very well. And I shall also shower people with glitter at your funeral. But just so you know, Harry, this cold will not kill you."

Harry gave up on getting any sympathy out of his friends and left the Common Room entirely.

* * *

_Minerva was an early riser, and always had been. As such she was sitting by the fire in her quarters rereading one of her favourite novels before breakfast when someone knocked on her door._

_She closed the book, stood, stretched and then answered it. She had not been expecting to find a pile of blankets standing there. She almost closed it again until she noticed the green eyes gazing out at her. "Harry?"_

"_Hello Professor McGonagall," he said thickly. "I think I'm dying."_

_Minerva's lips twitched. "Nonsense, child," she scolded gently. "A Pepper-Up Potion after breakfast will have you feeling as good as new."_

"_When I die, Professor," Harry said, completely disregarding her comments. "I would like you to send up fireworks at my funeral."_

_She blinked at him for a few moments. "If this cold kills you, Harry James Potter, then I swear I will do so. Now why don't you head back to the Common Room until breakfast begins?"_

_Harry sighed and shuffled away._

* * *

"_Professor Dumbledore?" Harry said with a rather pathetic sniffle, standing in the doorway of the man's office. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"_

_Albus raised an eyebrow and nodded. "Of course, my dear boy, do come in. Might I say that you are sounding particularly dreadful this morning?"_

_Harry grimaced and nodded. "I think I'm dying," he confided. "And you know, all I've ever really wanted to have before I died was a pair of socks that actually _fit_. Is that so much to ask?" He sniffed again._

"_Of course not, Harry," Albus consoled, hiding his amusement. "Perhaps you will be lucky enough to get some before you wind up on your death bed."_

"_It could be any minute now, I'm sure," Harry sighed as he made his way out of the Headmaster's office. _

_Albus just shook his head in amusement and went back to his paperwork._

* * *

_Unlike Minerva, Remus was _not_ a morning person. In fact, he liked to deny the fact that mornings existed at all (this is why he tended to be late to his own classes, especially on Mondays)._

_As such he was most definitely not impressed when someone shook him awake, and even less impressed when he opened his eyes and identified the culprit as what appeared to be a large pile of blankets. He began to wonder if Sirius and James's unwashed Quidditch uniforms from their seventh year had evolved over the past two decades or so and were now back for revenge on the closest thing they could find to their previous owners._

_He woke up a little more when he realised that this probably meant that Harry was in grave danger also, and then he recognized the green eyes that the blanket monster was staring at him with._

"_Harry?"_

"_I'm dying, Moony," he sniffed pitifully._

_Remus blinked a few times and finally sat up. "What?"_

"_I'm dying," the teen repeated dutifully. _

"_Dying."_

"_Yes Moony."  
_

"_From what?"_

"_Cold."_

"_You're cold?"_

"_I have a cold."  
_

"_Get a Pepper-Up Potion."_

"_I hate them."  
_

"_How did you inherit _Sirius's_ aversion to Pepper-Up Potions?"_

"_I don't know. When I die, will you avenge me?"_

"_You want me to kill the cold?"_

"_No, I want you to kill Draco and Hermione."_

"_Oh. Sure. If the cold kills you, I'll do it."_

"_Ta. Thanks."  
_

"_It won't, though."_

"_You're mean, Moony. I'm going to leave now to find someone who will be more sympathetic than you."_

"_Good luck. I'll see you at breakfast. Or maybe not till lunch if I sleep in."_

"_As long as I don't die before then, I'll see you there."_

* * *

Severus had just finished wrapping the last of his Christmas gifts (a pair of socks for the Headmaster, as Harry had convinced everyone he could to get them for the man) when the door to his quarters opened to admit a pile of blankets.

_Considering that there were precious few people who could just walk into his rooms whenever they felt like it, and even fewer who would walk around as a pile of bedding, he didn't need the figure to speak before he knew who it was. "Hello Harry."_

"_Professor Sevvie."_

"_Do not call me that. What do you want?"_

"_I'm going to die before the end of the day, so can I have my Christmas present early?"_

_Severus stared at the boy, who from the sound of his voice was suffering a cold. "No. If you're going to die then you have no need for it. Now get out of my rooms and go to the Hospital Wing. Poppy will shove a Pepper-Up down your throat and you'll be back to your annoying self by dinner."_

_Harry sighed, turned around and headed out. One side of the blanket pile moved, and Severus assumed that the boy had given the best wave he could._

* * *

Ten minutes after the students had arrived for breakfast and joined Professors Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape, a blob of blankets walked into the Great Hall and seated itself between Hermione and Draco.

_After another minute of everyone else eating while Harry sat and looked miserable, Draco had had enough. "All right, that's it."_

"_What's it?" Hermione asked absently._

_Draco grabbed a handful of blankets and began to drag Harry from the Hall. "We'll be back soon."_

"_Good luck!" Ron called._

_Half way to the Hospital Wing, Harry sighed. "Dray?"_

"_Harry?" the blond replied._

"_When I die –"_

"_You're taking the potion and you'll be fine," Draco interrupted._

"_But –"_

"_Harry, stop being such a drama queen."_

"_Will you just listen? Just in case?"_

_Sighing, the Slytherin nodded. "Fine. What?"_

"If_ I die from this…will you wear my sexy Santa suit until New Years?"_

_Draco rolled his eyes. "Considering that you're _not_ going to die, there is no harm in saying yes."_

_Harry poked his tongue out. "Wanna wear it anyway?"_

"_No."_

"_Say, Draco," Harry said, suddenly changing topic. "Let's go down to the kitchens."_

_Draco snickered and made sure that he had Harry's sleeve in his grip. "Nope, we're going to the Hospital Wing where you're going to take the Pepper-Up Potion even if I have to force you."_

"_But Dray…"_

"_No buts."  
_

"_Aw…"_

* * *

_Now, let's all use our imaginations and pretend that it's still Christmas. Really, it is. Honest._

_The sections of this story that take place out of the Gryffindor Common Room are in italics for no good reason at all; it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. _

_Chapter eleven will be out quite soon, and then chapter twelve hopefully soon after that._

_Remember, it's Christmas time._

_Please review._

_Love Wolfie_


	11. Eleven Giant Cacti

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the eleventh day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Eleven Giant Cacti**_

It wasn't the first time Hermione had been woken by a scream, but the first thing that she noticed upon waking was that it sounded more like a scream of pain than a scream of terror or disgust.

She then decided that being able to differentiate between types of screams indicated that she had been spending far too much time in the wrong sort of company, and immediately blamed Harry.

Then she remembered that someone had just screamed in pain, and so she grabbed her wand and headed for the Common Room.

When she arrived she was immediately reminded of the evil snowmen from two days previous, but knew that this would be much, much worse.

Most of the other girls were all behind her on the stairs (as Hannah and Susan had taken to sleeping in Ginny's dorm mates' beds after the incident with Bob) while most of the boys were standing on the other staircase.

Harry, Luna, Blaise, Theodore, Justin, Draco and Ron, however, were all in the Common Room, and they were surrounded.

From the way Harry was rubbing his thigh, Hermione deduced that he had been the one screaming. "Harry, are you all right?"

He looked up and his eyes widened. "'Mione! Everyone, stay on the stairs! Don't set even _one_ _foot_ onto the floor of the Common Room!"

"Harry, what is going on?" Ginny demanded over Hermione's shoulder.

"We are being surrounded by giant cacti."

Ginny rolled her eyes impatiently. "Well _obviously_, Harry. Why? Where did they come from?"

"That is a _very_ good question," Draco informed her, not taking his eyes off the cactus closest to him. "If I ever find out the answer to it, I am going to eviscerate the person or people responsible."

* * *

_In Malfoy Manor, Voldemort sneezed._

"_Are you catching a cold, my lord?"_

"_Perhaps I am, Lucius. Have Severus brew me a Pepper-Up potion."_

"_Yes, my lord."_

"_Did you deliver our Christmas gift to Mr Potter?"_

_Lucius glanced over at the tree in the corner of Voldemort's makeshift throne room. "I believe so, my lord. I asked one of the house elves to deliver the large red package to the Gryffindor Common Room's Christmas tree."_

_Voldemort suddenly looked alarmed. "The _red_ one, Lucius?"_

"_Yes, my lord. The red one _was_ for Potter, wasn't it?"_

"_No, the red one was for _Fudge_, Lucius! Potter's is the _green_ one that's still there!"_

"_Damn! I will have it delivered immediately, my lord, and hopefully Fudge's gift won't do too much damage."_

_Voldemort gave him a rather worried frown. "It was supposed to kill the Minister, Lucius, so I hope so as well."_

* * *

Hermione ignored Draco's homicidal tendencies and considered the eleven spiky plants that were beginning to hop in a circle around her friends. "Anyone have any ideas?"

"I thought that we could burn them," Blaise offered. "But then I was a little worried that they'd leap onto us and we'd burn too."

"I watered my cactus too much and it died," Luna stated. "But I don't think we have quite as long as it took for that to happen before we get poked to death."

"What about transfiguration?" Seamus suggested. "Didn't McGonagall have us practicing on cacti last year because they're more susceptible than other plants?"

Hermione beamed at him. "Wow, you actually payed attention that day! Seamus, I'm impressed!"

"What were we turning them _into_, though?" Dean wondered. "I just can't seem to remember that lesson…"

"You skipped that lesson because you had a major Potions essay to get finished by the afternoon," Seamus reminded him.

"Oh, yeah."

"I turned mine into a jellyfish, but I got detention for it, so I don't think that's right," Theodore volunteered, backing into Luna while trying to dodge a cactus 'arm'.

"Plus I hardly think that jellyfish would be much of an improvement," Ginny snorted.

"Stuffed animals," Ron revealed. "It was stuffed animals. I remember because – ow! Because I turned mine into a stuffed rat and then used it for target practice."

Hermione eyed his now bleeding arm worriedly, but nodded. "That's right, I remember now too. Okay, each of you take the one closest to you, and Ginny, Lavender, Seamus and I will take the last four."

"On three then," Harry confirmed. "One…two…three!"

Seconds later, there were eleven large stuffed animals surrounding the group in the Common Room.

Hermione knew that it had to be Ginny's lion and Seamus's cat on either side of her stuffed version of Crookshanks, and Ron's rat was easily recognizable.

The same could be said of Justin's badger, Lavender's rabbit, Draco's snake and Harry's large black dog.

The remaining four stuffed animals were a unicorn, a wolf and a polar bear.

"Whose unicorn is that?" Hannah asked, eyes shining.

"Uh, that would be mine," Theodore admitted.

"It's adorable!" the girl squealed.

"Thanks."

"The wolf is mine," Blaise revealed. "And the Harry-bear is Luna's, obviously."

"Harry-bear?" Hermione asked, stepping down from the stairs to see it more closely.

"Green eyes and a red Santa hat," Blaise pointed out. "Very Harry."

"How did you two get surrounded down here as well?" Ginny asked of her brother and Draco.

The two exchanged a glance. Draco shrugged, gestured for Ron to explain and wandered away to help Harry with the positioning of the Common Room's new decorations.

"We were coming down to have an early game of chess," he began. "We saw that the others were surrounded and we were about to go and help them, but the second our feet came off the bottom step a few of the cacti came and herded us into the middle with them."

"Well that explains that."

They then turned and watched as Harry began arguing with Draco about whether or not to put the lion and snake together.

* * *

_All I will say about when to expect chapter twelve is...um...before _next _Christmas? Heh, seriously though, hopefully within the next few weeks._

_Um. Thanks for reading. Can't really think of anything else to write right now._

_Please review!_

_Love Wolfie_


	12. Twelve Extreme Reasons

_**The Twelve Disasters of Christmas**_

_By SilverWolf7007_

_On the twelfth day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me…_

_**Twelve Extreme Reasons**_

The first thing Hermione saw on Christmas morning was a giant green box. She could cope with that quite easily.

Unfortunately, the second thing she saw was Severus Snape.

About then, Hermione stopped counting how many things she had seen, attempted to drag her brain into full awareness and noted that Harry, Luna, Theodore, Blaise and Justin were all seated on the floor around the Christmas Palm Tree, while Professors Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall and Lupin – and Madam Pomfrey – were on the only two couches close enough to accommodate for conversation at a comfortable volume.

She sighed. Trust Harry to invite the staff to join them on Christmas morning.

"'Mione! Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Harry," she replied, smiling wryly. "Merry Christmas, everyone."

Hermione joined the others on the floor and listened while Henry and Snape traded snarky comments with Harry translating Henry's (though she wasn't convinced that Harry wasn't editing them and adding his own).

Over the next ten minutes, the rest of the students drifted down the stairs, stopped to gape at the presence of the staff, got over it and joined the others on the floor. Only Draco sat on a couch, and that seemed more due to the fact that he wasn't afraid to sit next to Snape rather than because he refused to sit on the floor.

The moment Ron sat down (he'd been last to arrive, mere moments behind Colin), Harry jumped up and adjusted his Santa hat. "Right then. Merry Christmas all, I'm Harry and I'll be your Santa for the morning!"

Draco rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat. "For the love of Merlin, Potter, just make sure that the big one gets opened first. I think it's addressed to you, anyway, but it's taking up half your tasteless Common Room."

"It is preventing me from adequately viewing my tinsel," Luna added quietly, looking quite forlorn.

Harry nodded quickly. "Sure thing. I will." He stepped over to the box, which was taller than him. "Ooh, gift for me! It's so big, and green, and shiny…" He began tearing the paper off it, revealing a plain brown box. He pouted. "I can't get into it…"

Draco rolled his eyes yet again and waved his wand languidly. All four sides of the box fell to the ground, revealing a large, furry, glittery, tinsel-wearing…

"Teddy!" Harry squealed. He turned and beamed at his companions. "Who bought me this? Come on, tell me so I can kiss someone!"

Severus was frowning. "Why does that thing look vaguely familiar and cause an impending sense of doom to descend upon my mind?"

Harry eyed him suspiciously. "Did you send it?"

"No."

"Professor Dumbledore?"

"I'm afraid not, dear boy."

Harry scanned the others, but saw nothing but vague curiosity (and Severus's slightly apprehensive glare) until he looked at Neville, who was holding a small white card and staring at it with an expression of abject horror.

"Uh, Nev?"

The boy looked up at him. "Voldemort."

"Wha?"

"The bear. Is from Voldemort." He held the card out.

Harry took it and read it silently before kneeling down and searching for something underneath his bear. Hermione snatched it to read it for herself.

'_Dear Harry,_

_I am sorry that you mistakenly received the homicidal cacti I had planned to send to the Minister. Lucius accidentally sent you the wrong box._

_I hope that the fact that your real present lacks any hostility will assist in making up for that._

_Someone mentioned that you liked bears, and everyone likes tinsel, so I hope you enjoy it._

_Love from Lord Voldemort_

_PS. There is a pair of socks in the box for Dumbledore. Please make sure he gets them.'_

Hermione looked up just in time to see Harry emerge with a pair of glittery socks and hand them to the Headmaster.

"With love from Voldemort," Harry chirped.

Everyone but Luna and Dumbledore stared at him. Luna merely began adorning the bear with even more tinsel, whereas Dumbledore cheerfully took his socks, scanned them quickly for hostile magic, and then pulled them onto his feet with a delighted smile.

It was the bear that broke the resulting silence.

_"Join Lord Voldemort, because Lucius Malfoy can give you hair care tips – and we all know you need them, Harry!"_

Yet again, the Common Room fell into silence – though this time it was broken by Colin, Seamus and Dean bursting out laughing.

Mostly everyone joined in, while Harry pouted and Draco just nodded solemnly. "It's true, Har, you do need them. And Father _is_ extremely talented at that sort of thing."

Eventually, everyone calmed down enough for Harry to begin handing out presents. "All right, first off we have…" He looked down at the gift he had grabbed and checked the tag. "A present for Professor Dumbledore from 'the Slytherins'."

Dumbledore unwrapped it and then turned to smile brightly at Theodore, Blaise and Draco as he revealed the jumbo-sized bag of sherbet lemons and a pair of lemon-yellow socks. "Thank you, boys."

Theodore and Blaise smiled back, while Draco stared at the ceiling and muttered about it 'not being his idea'.

Harry handed out a few more gifts, but just as he was pulling a rather large one out of the pile, his bear spoke up again.

"_You know you want to join Voldemort. If you do, he'll give you candy canes."_

Hermione frowned. "Does anyone know whose voice that is? It's not Voldemort…is it?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. Not Pettigrew either."

"It's not Father," Draco mused. "Or Uncle Rodolphus."

"It sounds suspiciously like Rabastan Lestrange," Severus said with a frown. "Disturbing as that may be."

"Hm…presents!" Harry reminded, shaking his head. "Tempting as it is to join Voldemort for candy, I'd rather get on with this." He held the large package he'd unearthed out to Remus. "For you, from me."

Remus raised an amused eyebrow and unwrapped his gift. He eyed the bright pink cardboard box curiously for a moment before opening it, peering inside, and letting out a light chuckle. "Thank you, Harry."

Harry beamed at him.

"What did you get?" Ron asked curiously, hoping it would give insight into what Harry's gifts for other people might be (Remus having been the first to receive one).

With a wry smile, Remus showed them the fluffy stuffed wolf and two giant blocks of Honeydukes' best chocolate.

"Just looking at that is making me hungry," Ginny said with a grin.

"_Joining Lord Voldemort is good for the digestive system."_

Harry blinked owlishly before turning to Severus. "Is it?"

The man shrugged. "I have to admit that I have never experienced any problems in that area, but…"

"_Bring all your friends and join Voldemort – we'll have a fantastic party and then roast Cornelius Fudge on a spit!"_

There were several snickers, but Harry was nodding sagely. "Ah, I see. _Cannibalism_ is good for digestion."

"Apparently so," Neville murmured.

The gift presentation continued on for almost ten minutes before the bear spoke again.

"_If you join Voldemort, you'll never have to sit through one of Severus Snape's lectures on potions ever again."_

"Sign me up," Ron said immediately. Several of the others laughed and agreed.

"I feel somewhat offended," Severus said dryly. "Surely my lectures are not bad enough to be incentive to join the Dark Lord."

Harry just shrugged and held out a strangely shaped present. "Don't let it bother you."

Severus appeared to forget about the bear entirely in favour of prodding the gift warily. After a moment, he ripped it open and just stared, as did everyone else.

"Harry," Severus finally managed in a strangled voice. "Did you…?"

"Surprisingly, no," Harry answered, shocking almost everyone. "But I wish I had."

Severus lifted the large – _purple_ – plush snake out of the wrapping paper to attempt to find a card, and was startled when it suddenly slithered up his arm to drape around his neck. He looked up, ignoring the barely suppressed grins of the surrounding students, and found that Dumbledore was looking far too innocent. "Albus…" he growled.

The Headmaster smiled genially. "I simply wished for you to get the best use out of my gift, Severus. It is charmed to remain there for the rest of the day. It will keep you warm."

Hermione was rather impressed that the Headmaster was not being throttled.

"I am not especially cold, Albus," the potions master growled.

"Of course not. Now, would you care for a sherbet lemon, dear boy?" The Headmaster's eyes were twinkling as he held out the bag the Slytherin boys had given him.

The reply ("_No_, I do _not_, you senile old fool!") was mostly drowned out by Harry's bear finding its voice once again.

"_Voldemort will never offer you a sherbet lemon. Join him and experience this foreign treatment."_

"I'm sold," Remus responded, smiling innocently.

Harry snorted and threw another gift at Severus, who glared at it with outright suspicion – especially when he noticed who it was from.

"I'm not sure I should even open this."

"Why not?" Minerva asked curiously.

"It's from _him_," Severus told her, gesturing to Harry – who gave a cheery wave in return.

"Oh, just open it, Professor Sevvie," Harry whined.

"I refuse."

Harry pouted. "No one ever does things when I tell them too…"

"_You'll get to be Voldemort's right hand man! This means you'll have the authority to order around everyone in Voldemort's organization other than Voldemort himself. Ever wanted to see Rodolphus Lestrange wash dishes?"_

"I know I have," Minerva muttered to herself. Remus overheard and choked on his chocolate.

"Ooh, now _that_ is tempting," Harry said. "Not just the thought of making various Lestranges complete menial tasks, but hey, I could order Lucius Malfoy to wear a frilly pink tutu and skip from room to room singing nursery rhymes!"

"Sometimes, Harry," Draco sighed. "Your mind truly, truly frightens me."

Ron snickered. "You, me, and everyone else on the planet." He turned to Harry. "More importantly, mate, it would give you the authority to order our _beloved_ Professor Snape to open his present."

"Hm, so true…Hermione, I need a quill! And parchment! And an owl!"

Hermione groaned. "Harry, if you _really must_ join Voldemort, then fine, but I refuse to be your enabler."

Albus turned a 'benign' smile on Severus, who twitched and tried to ignore him. "You know, my boy, you could save the entire wizarding world by just opening one little gift."

Remus choked on his chocolate again. Severus just glowered.

"Harry, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to give Professor Lupin chocolate," Hannah pointed out, watching the man worriedly.

Harry shrugged. "At least if he chokes to death on chocolate he'll die happy."

Remus was still unable to speak (or breathe, really), but he nodded emphatically along with Harry's words. Hannah eyed him for a moment longer, but decided to give up.

"A _toy potions set_, Potter?"

All eyes turned once more to Severus, who had taken the chance while everyone had been focussed on Remus to covertly open his brightly-wrapped gift.

Harry gave him a wounded look. "_And_ some cauldron cakes and liquorice stirring rods."

"Those are liquorice _wands_," Colin pointed out.

"They're _stirring rods_," Harry insisted. "I cut them in half length-wise and got some green icing from the kitchens to dip them in." He grabbed one from the pile on Severus's lap and waved it around. "See, it looks like it's been stirring some horribly noxious potion, doesn't it? Plus they're tasty."

"You have _far_ too much time on your hands," Severus told him.

"I feel so unloved…"

"_Free ice-cream."_

"See? Voldemort loves me more than you."

Severus rolled his eyes and ignored Harry's pouting while chewing thoughtfully on a 'stirring rod'.

"Bet you hate them."

"They're about as tolerable as you are, brat."

Harry brightened up immediately. "Aw, you _do_ like them!"

"Can we have more presents now?" Ron asked hopefully. "I was hoping we'd get this over with by, say, lunch time."

Grinning, Harry obliged.

Over twenty minutes passed relatively sanely. Harry's bear stayed silent and the presents remained somewhat normal. Dumbledore received many more pairs of socks, and Harry distributed several more toy-and-sweet combination presents from himself (including chocolate biscuits and a catnip-filled mouse for Minerva, plastic crystal balls filled with gummi bears for Parvati and Lavender, a bright pink disposable camera for Colin and a children's toy doctors set for Poppy).

Ron had been highly amused with his toy broomstick and chocolate frogs, and Neville seemed quite taken with the stuffed version of Trevor he was presented with.

Draco, when faced with his new toy plastic dragons, stuffed ferret and single candy cane, merely expressed his relief that it hadn't exploded.

Hermione was pleasantly surprised when Harry's gift to her turned out to be several of her favourite books from when she was a child and a large box of sugar quills. "Oh, I haven't read these in _years_!" she exclaimed. "My old copies have been packed away in boxes at home, because I needed the shelf room for all my new books…oh, Harry, thank you!"

Harry received her flying tackle-hug with a laugh. "You're welcome, 'Mione. Shame we don't have them in the school library, really."

"_Voldemort's library is _so_ much better than the one at Hogwarts."_

Hermione eyed the bear. "I kind of doubt it contains Muggle children's books, though," she told it.

"It might have a magical way of making broccoli taste less gross, though," Ron said hopefully, glaring balefully at Ginny.

Ginny shrugged. Ever since her first year, her mother had requested that she keep an eye on Ron's diet and make sure that he at broccoli (which he detested almost more than he hated spiders) at least twice a week.

"_Voldemort will let you turn your vegetables into chocolate before you eat them."_

"Right, that's _two_ reasons now that I have for joining Voldemort," Ron said, grinning. "Unfortunately, I doubt they really apply to anyone but Harry, who is a freak and actually likes vegetables."

"Liking vegetables doesn't make one a freak, Ronald," Hermione sighed.

"You know, this bear is kind of awesome," Harry said quietly. He was pouting and fiddling with the fluffy cuff of his Santa suit sleeve.

Seamus frowned at him, utterly confused. "So why don't you sound pleased about that, like a normal person would?"

Blaise snorted. "Because Harry _isn't_ normal?"

"Ah, that explains it," Seamus said, nodding sagely.

Harry gave an irritated sigh. "It's not that."

"Then what is it?" Blaise asked.

"Well, this bear…it really sort of makes me feel that the gift I sent Voldemort was somewhat…"

"Mean?" Ron suggested.

Harry shook his head. "No, just…inadequate."

* * *

_Voldemort took the disturbingly bright present from Rodolphus, who was handing out the large amount of gifts underneath the giant Christmas tree in Malfoy Manor to the assorted Death Eaters and Dark Lord, and eyed it warily._

_Narcissa seemed unable to take her eyes from it. "Who could such a hideously coloured package be from, My Lord?"_

"_I have my suspicions," the dark lord murmured, searching for and eventually finding a small card. _

"_Well?" Bellatrix prompted. _

"_As I suspected, it is from Harry."_

_Lucius snorted. "It does not surprise me in the least to see Potter wrapping gifts in orange and pink striped paper."_

_Voldemort smirked in amusement, and ripped open the paper. He received a lap full of glitter for his trouble, sighed, and chose to ignore it while he investigated the contents of his present._

_He first pulled out a bag full of animated snake lollies, slithering around one another and hissing incoherently._

"_Tasty," Rabastan said, vaguely sarcastic. He made a face when Voldemort offered him one, and pointedly looked away when Rodolphus, who was sitting beside him on the couch, accepted the offer and bit off the head._

_The second item Voldemort extracted from the parcel was a thin book that appeared to be handmade and bore the title 'Recipes for the Busy Dark Lord'. "By Harry James Potter."_

_Lucius took the book from the dark lord and examined the badly photographed cover picture of Harry icing a slightly lopsided cake. He chuckled. "Oddly thoughtful of him."_

"_Quite," Voldemort agreed. He looked down to retrieve the rest of his gift from Harry. "Oh my..."_

"_What is it, my lord?"_

_Voldemort sighed. "The boy is just full of contradictions, Lucius."_

_Lucius raised an eyebrow. "What makes you say that?"_

_The dark lord held up a small orange and blue ball._

_The five Death Eaters blinked at him, all of them evidently confused._

"_It's a ball, my lord," Rodolphus stated._

"_A _juggling_ ball, Rodolphus," Rabastan clarified from beside the dark lord._

_Voldemort turned in his seat sharply to stare, shocked, at Rabastan. The younger of the two Lestrange brothers was leaning his hip against the side of Voldemort's overly-opulent armchair-slash-throne and was flipping casually through the pages of a small book._

"_How do you _do_ that?" Bellatrix demanded, looking between her brother-in-law's current location and the empty space on the couch he had been occupying mere moments before._

_Rabastan gave her a cheeky grin over Voldemort's head. "'Tis a secret, dear Bella!"_

_Lucius sighed and shook his head. "Never mind Rabastan's irritating mysteriousness for the moment. My lord, what exactly did you mean by saying that Potter is full of contradictions?"_

_Voldemort shook off what was known throughout Death Eater circles as 'The Rabastan Effect' and raised both hands. In one was the juggling ball, the other held the cookbook. "A cookbook for a 'busy dark lord' and juggling balls to be used for time wasting and procrastination."_

"_And animated candy for freaking people out," Narcissa murmured with an amused smile._

"_Quite," Voldemort agreed. _

* * *

Severus sighed. "I'm sure that the Dark Lord is adequately satisfied with your gift, brat. Now stop moping and finish handing out the remaining gifts."

Harry looked up and grinned at him. "Aw, did poor Professor Sevvie forget to eat breakfast this morning?"

Hermione twitched. "He wasn't the only one, Harry. Please hurry up."

Heaving a sigh, Harry nodded. "Only because _you_ said please, Hermione." With a flourish, he produced a large parcel from beneath the tree, shooed the Runespoor from it back into the tree, and handed it to the Headmaster. "This one's from me, sir."

Albus looked utterly delighted. "Why thank you, dear boy!" He tore into the wrapping like an excited child and revealed a very large, obviously very full, Christmas stocking. His eyes twinkled.

"You should try some of the candy I put in it," Harry suggested brightly. "I came up with them myself."

The Headmaster tried to hide his apprehension and reached into the stocking. His hand emerged and he held it out for inspection. As everyone stared, he began to smile.

"Are those…?" Dean began.

"Yup!"

"Harry, did you really…?"

Harry grinned at Susan. "I really did."

Albus used his free hand to pluck one small sock-shaped candy and pop it into his mouth. His eyes widened. "It tastes just like a sherbet lemon!"

"I know!" Harry said, grinning excitedly. "I call them Sherbet Socks. Or Sock Lemons. I haven't quite decided, actually, but aren't they great?"

"They are," the Headmaster confirmed. "Thank you, Harry."

"You're welcome!" he chirped. "I'm trying to work out a way to enlarge them and make them wearable as well. Uh, but you might want to be careful when you get to the bottom of the stocking. There might, uh, be a few miniature white mice in there telling bad jokes. There was an accident with a magical Christmas cracker…" Clearing his throat, Harry pulled out another gift, ignoring Albus's renewed apprehension. "Ah, this one's for Luna!"

Luna smiled as Harry set the large box on the floor in front of her and reached out to unwrap it the second he had stepped away. "Is this from you, Santa Harry?"

"It is," Harry confirmed.

"It's rather large, but you didn't seem to have any trouble carrying it," Ginny mused. "I'm not sure I even want to know what's in it."

Once again, Harry pouted. Luna ignored him an opened her box. Everyone who could manage to peered into it, and those who couldn't shoved others out of the way.

The box appeared to be full of blue, red, silver, gold and purple tinsel, and numerous gingerbread men (and women) who bore a startling resemblance to everyone in the Common Room.

Luna, however, did not appear to have noticed any of these. Her attention had instead been captured by the glittery red Santa's hat that was at the top of the package. She had picked it up immediately upon opening the box, and had quickly put it on. Hermione conjured a mirror for her.

The blonde girl squealed. "It's so pretty!"

This, apparently, gave the bear reason to speak once more.

"_Voldemort's main followers are much prettier than Dumbledore's."_

Everyone stared at the bear for several moments. Harry coughed.

Remus shrugged. "Well, when one considers people such as Alastor Moody and compares them with, say, Narcissa Malfoy…"

Draco grimaced. "Please tell me you're not sweet on my mum, Lupin."

Mouth full of chocolate, Remus could only shake his head. He also managed to avoid choking once more, though he came close.

Ginny stared at him in awe. "How have you not already eaten it all?"

"Talent," Harry answered for him.

Luna had been rifling around in her box and emerged with a blond gingerbread man in Slytherin robes. She paused in unwrapping it to speak. "Thank you for my gift, Santa Harry."

"You are very welcome, Santa Luna."

Luna eyed him speculatively. "Does this make me Mrs Claus?"

Harry coughed. "Uh, well, we'll discuss that later."

She shrugged and eyed her gingerbread man. "I apologise for consuming your effigy, Draco."

Draco rolled his eyes as Luna bit a leg off. "Ow," he deadpanned. "Oh, the pain."

No one had a chance to speak any further, as another recording had begun on the bear.

"_Ow!"_

"_Bellatrix, are you all right?"_

"_Fine, Cissa, I just tripped. Rabastan, what the hell are you doing in here with our Lord's recording equipment and a giant teddy bear?"_

"_His Lordship asked me to record this list of reasons for the Potter boy to switch sides. The only problem is that he asked me to record twelve, but there are only eleven on his list. Do you think it would be all right if I just left it?"_

"_I don't know…Bella, go get Lucius, would you?"_

"_Sure." Door opens. Silence. Footsteps. Door closes again. "Honestly, Lucius, why were you sitting in the kitchen staring at a bunch of tiny cacti?"_

_A sigh. "I was preparing our Lord's Christmas gift for Minister Fudge. Rodolphus is supposed to finish it off, now that I'm done with it. Now, what can I help you three with?"_

"_This recording…I was supposed to add twelve reasons but there are only eleven on the list."_

"_Let me see that." Rustling paper. "Looks like he just forgot to add a twelfth…or got distracted. I don't see any reason why we can't just add one of our own."_

"_You do it then, Lucius dear."_

"_Do you mind, Rabastan?"_

"_Not at all, Lucius. Go ahead."_

"_All right." Silence. A chuckle._

"_What is it?"_

"_Nothing, Bellatrix. I'll just turn this on…" Another chuckle. "Potter, I have another reason you should join the Death Eaters: Free entertainment. There is nothing more amusing than watching Rabastan and Bellatrix fight over the chocolate –"_

"_Hey!"_

"_Hush, you two!"_

"…_Or seeing his Lordship trying to find his reading glasses. Oh, and I could teach you to cook. But that's two more reasons. Hopefully they don't cancel one another out…anyway, Merry Christmas!"_

"_Merry Christmas!"_

"_Oh, and do tell Draco we send our love!"_

"_Cissa, you're going to embarrass your poor boy…"_

"_Rabastan, how do I turn it off…?"_

"_Here, you press this butto –"_

The Gryffindor Common Room fell silent. The few noises that were heard were caused by Crookshanks (who had found and 'borrowed' Minerva's catnip mouse), the Runespoor (who were arguing over a candy cane they had stolen), and Luna, who was still munching on her gingerbread Draco.

"I already know how to cook," Harry said eventually.

Draco groaned. "And trust me, my father does _not_. He gave Mum and me food poisoning once because he decided to experiment in the kitchens. We've since given the house elves orders to keep him out of there at all costs."

"I have to admit, that was a rather good compilation of reasons on Voldemort's part," Albus said with a smile. "However, I believe it is safe to assume that Harry will not be leaving us any time soon?"

Harry smiled innocently. "I'll at least stick around until the end of the day."

Ron shrugged. "That'll do. Now, are there any presents left?"

"Just two," Harry announced. "One of them is from Hermione to me, and the other is…" He frowned. "From Professor McGonagall to the Headmaster." He pulled the second gift out from under the tree, almost keeled over under the weight of the huge box, and stumbled over to deliver it to Albus.

Albus opened the box happily, and gave a delighted chuckle when he saw its contents. "Why Minerva, there must be at least fifty pairs of socks here!"

Minerva snorted. "Try one hundred and fifty eight."

Hermione was a little worried for a moment that the Headmaster was going to die of happiness, but when it appeared that he was going to survive, she used her foot to nudge the last present over to Harry. "Open it, Harry."

With a grin, Harry dropped to the floor and tore open the wrapping eagerly. His jaw dropped as he worked out what was inside the package. "'Mione, you've…you've really outdone yourself this year," he told her, looking up with watery eyes. "_Thank_ you!"

"Yes, well, I'm glad you like it," she said with a smile.

Holding up the fluffy white suit, Harry beamed at them all. "I can't _wait_ until Easter!"

* * *

By the end of the day, the adults had all retreated from the Common Room, and the seventeen students were spread about, mostly relaxing and attempting to digest the huge dinner they had enjoyed.

Draco and Ron were once again playing chess, though it was a far quieter match than usual. The majority of the other boys were seated around them, chatting, watching and in Theodore's case, napping.

Ginny and Blaise appeared to have been unaffected by their large meal, and had procured plastic swords from _somewhere_. Lavender, Susan and Hannah were cheering Ginny on, while Parvati appeared to be Blaise's only supporter.

Across the room, Luna was now wearing a sparkly sleeveless Santa suit, complete with short skirt and, of course, her hat. The whole outfit had been at the bottom of her box from Harry, who was also still dressed in his own Santa suit. The two of them, as far as Hermione could tell, were plotting something nefarious to do with tinsel, duct tape and a large decorative reindeer they had discovered on the way back from the Great Hall that evening.

Despite the chaos that had led up to it, and despite her lingering reservations about encouraging Harry's apparent holiday fetish, Hermione felt that Christmas had been a good day for them all.

Now if only the Common Room would stay this peaceful long enough for her to finish her new book…

"Santa Harry, be careful."

"Are you kidding, Santa Luna? Careful is my middle na – oh nooo!"

"Beware the cranky ex-inanimate tinsel-covered reindeer, everyone."

"Beware the _what_, Lovegood?"

"Draco, duck!"

"Potter, my _hair_!"

"Not this way Harry, they have swords!"

"They're plastic!"

"They _were_ plastic!"

"What happened to the _couch_?"

"I _told_ you they're not plastic anymore!"

"Kill the demon reindeer!"

"Yes, kill it and _save me_!"

"But Santa Harry, you can't let them kill Clancy!"

"You _named_ it?"

"Well, you _were_ altering its status as non-sentient, Santa Harry."

"Next time, Santa Luna, don't let me."

"Yes, Santa Harry. Oh, watch out for that –"

"Argh!"

"– Malfoy."

"Sorry Dray!"

"My hair _again_!"

Hermione sighed happily. After the events of the past twelve days, it just wouldn't have felt like Christmas without Harry causing abject chaos.

* * *

_And...it is done. Finally. After two years. Many candy canes were sacrificed in the making of this chapter, but hey, for a good cause._

_Just in time._

_Much, much love to you all,_

_Wolfie_

_PS. Edited December 2009, because apparently Dennis Creevey ninja-ed his way into this chapter despite not having previously been in the story. But it's all right, he's gone now. _


End file.
